The Zap Gun Read online

  Or had he? Frantically, he tried to recall his exact words. Hadn’t he merely said he received a notice? Oh God. If they found out—

  “Thank you, Mr. Febbs,” the female official said, and rang off. Febbs stood in silence, gradually hinging himself back together.

  I’ll have to call Mr. Rumford again, he realized. Make certain he thinks I’m quitting for health reasons. Some pretext. I’ve lost my conapt, have to leave the area. Anything!

  He found himself shaking.

  A new scene bloomed frighteningly in his mind.

  General Nitz (grayly, with menace): So you told, Febbs.

  Febbs: You need me, General. You really do! I can plowshare better than anyone drafted before—Univox-50R knows what it’s talking about. In the name of God, sir! Give me a chance to prove my superior worth.

  General Nitz (moved): Well, all right, Febbs. I can see you’re not quite like anyone else. We can afford to treat you differently, because the fact is that in all my long years of dealing with all kinds of people I have never seen anyone as unique as you and it would be a distinct loss to the Free World if you decided not to stick with us and give us the benefit of your knowledge, experience and talent.

  Reseating himself at his breakfast table, Febbs mechanically resumed the eating which had been interrupted.

  General Nitz: Actually, Febbs, I’d even go so far as to say—

  Aw, the hell with it, Febbs thought with growing, overwhelming gloom.

  FOUR

  Toward noon the ranking engineer from Lanferman Associates of San Francisco and Los Angeles, the firm which produced the mockups and prototypes and whatnot from Lars Powderdry’s sketches, showed up at the New York office of Mr. Lars, Incorporated.

  Pete Freid, at home here from long years of experience, sauntered round-shouldered and stooped but still tall into Lars’ office. He found Lars drinking a solution of honey and synthetic amino acids in a twenty per cent alcohol base: an antidote to the depletion of body-constituents by the trance-state which had occurred earlier in the morning.

  Pete said, “They found that what you’re swilling is one of the ten major causes of upper g.i. cancer. Better quit now.”

  “I can’t quit,” Lars said. His body needed the replacement-source and anyhow Peter was kidding. “What I ought to quit—” he began, and then became silent. Today he had talked too much already, and before the man from KACH. Who, if he was any good, remembered, recorded and put on permanent file everything he heard.

  Pete wandered about the office, crouched for all eternity from his excessive height and also, as he tirelessly reiterated, his “bad back.” There was a certain vagueness as to what the bad back consisted of. Some days it was a slipped disk. Other times, according to Pete’s rambling monologs, it was a worn disk: the distinction between these two eternal, Jobish afflictions he never ceased delineating. On Wednesdays, for example today, it was due to an old war-time injury. He dilated on that now.

  “Sure,” he told Lars, his hands in the rear pockets of his work-trousers. He had flown three thousand miles from the West Coast aboard the public jet, wearing his grease-stained shop clothes, with, as a concession to human society, a twisted, now black but perhaps formerly brightly colored necktie. The tie hung like a lead-rope from his unbuttoned, sweaty shirt, as if, under former slave conditions, Pete had been led periodically to slaughter by means of it. Certainly he had not been led to pasture. Despite his rambling, ambulatory, psychomotor activity he was a born worker. Everything else in his life—his wife and three children, his hobbies, his friendships—these fell to ruin when work-time came. And for him this arrived at eye-opening time at six or six-thirty in the morning. He was, in contrast to what Lars regarded as neurologically normal humanity, a wide-awake early riser. It amounted to a defect. And this after a fugue the night before, until bar-closing time, of beer and pizza, with or without Molly, his wife.

  “What do you mean, ’sure’?” Lars said, sipping his special drink. He felt weary: today trance-state had enervated him beyond the recall of the chemical elixir. “Okay, you mean, ’Sure, I ought to quit my job.’ I know the rubric you’ve got to offer. Frankly I’ve heard it so many times I could—”

  Peter interrupted, in his agitated, husky, urgent voice, “Aw, the hell, you know what I mean. Bull! You never listen. All you do is go to heaven and come back with the word of God, and we’re supposed to believe as gospel every stupid thing you write down, like some—” He gestured, tic-like, his big frame shuddering under his blue cotton shirt. “Look at the service you could do humanity if you weren’t so lazy.”

  “What service?”

  “You could solve all our problems!” Pete glowered at him. “If they’ve got weapons designs up there—” He jerked his thumb vaguely toward the ceiling of the office, as if, during his trance-states, Lars literally rose. “Science ought to investigate you. Chrissake, you ought to be at Cal Tech being examined, not running this fairy outfit you run.”

  “Fairy,” Lars said.

  “Okay, maybe you’re not a fairy. So what? My brother-in-law’s a fairy and that’s okay with me. A guy can be anything he wants.” Pete’s voice rose to a shout that boomed and echoed. “As long as it’s integrity, it’s what he really is and not what he’s told to do. You!” His tone was withering, now. “You do what they tell you. They say, Go get us a bunch of primary design-concepts in two-D form, and you do!”

  He lowered his voice, grunted, rubbed his perspiring upper lip. Then, seating himself, he reached his long arms out, groping for the heap of sketches on Lars’ desk.

  “These aren’t them,” Lars said, retaining the sketches.

  “These aren’t? Then what are they? They look like designs to me.” Pete twisted his head, extended his neck, piston-wise, to peer.

  Lars said, “From Peep-East. Miss Topchev’s.” Pete’s opposite number in Bulganingrad or New Moscow—the Soviets had two design-engineering firms available, the typical overlapping duplication of a monolithic society—had the task of rendering these to their next step.

  “Can I see them?”

  Lars passed them to Pete, who put his nose almost against the flat, glossy surfaces, as if suddenly nearsighted. He said nothing for a time as he turned from one to the next, and then he snarled, sat back, hurled the stack of pics onto the desk. Or nearly onto it. The stack fell to the floor.

  Pete, stretching, picked them up, respectfully straightened them until they were precisely even, one with the next, and set them down on the desk, demonstrating that he had meant no incivility. “They’re terrible,” he said.

  “No,” Lars said. No more so than his own, actually. Pete’s loyalty to him, as a person, made a puppet out of Pete’s jaws; friendship wagged the big man’s tongue, and although Lars appreciated this he preferred to see the record set straight. “They can go into plowshare. She’s doing her job.” But of course these sketches might not be representative. The Soviets had a notorious reputation for managing to traduce KACH. The planet-wide police agency was fair game for the Soviets’ own secret police, the KVB. It had not been discussed at the time Don Packard had produced the sketches, but the fact was just this: the Soviets, onto the presence of a KACH agent at their weapons fashion designs level, probably showed only what they cared to show, and held the rest back. That always had to be assumed.

  Or at least he assumed that. What UN-W Natsec did with their KACH-obtained material was something else: he had no knowledge of that. The Board’s policy could range from total credulity (although that was hardly likely) to utter cynicism. He, himself, tried to seek out a moderate middle-ground.

  Pete said, “And that fuzzy print, that’s her. Right?”

  “Yes.” Lars showed him the blurred glossy.

  Again Pete put his nose to the subject of his scrutiny. “You can’t tell anything,” he decided finally. “And for this, KACH gets money! I could do better just by walking into the Bulganingrad Institute for Defensive Implementation Research Division with a polaroid Lan
d-camera.”

  “There’s no such place,” Lars said.

  Pete glanced up. “You mean they abolished their bureau? But she’s still at her desk.”

  “It’s now under someone else, not Victor Kamow. He disappeared. A lung condition. It’s now called—” Lars turned up the memo he had taken from the KACH-man’s report. In Peep-East this happened continually: he attached no importance to it—“Minor Protocides, Subdivision Crop-production, Archives. Of Bulganingrad. A branch of Middle Auton-tool Safety Standards Ministry, which is their cover for their non-bacteriological warfare research agencies of every kind. As you know.” He bumped heads with Pete, inspecting the fuzzy glossy-print of Lilo Topchev, as if time alone might have brought from the blur a more accessible image.

  “What is it,” Pete said, “that obsesses you?”

  Lars shrugged, “Nothing. Divine discontent maybe.” He felt evasive; the engineer from Lanferman Associates was too keen an observer, too capable.

  “No, I mean—but first—”

  Pete expertly ran his sensitive, long, stained-dark fingers along the underside of Lars’ desk, seeking a monitoring device. Finding none immediately at hand he continued. “You’re a scared man. Do you still take pills?”

  “No.”

  “You’re lying.”

  Lars nodded. “I’m lying.”

  “Sleeping bad?”

  “Medium.”

  “If that horse’s ass Nitz has got your goat—”

  “It’s not Nitz. To reshuffle your picturesque language that goat’s horse Nitz has not got my ass. So are you satisfied? Sir?”

  Pete said, “They can groom replacements for you for fifty years and not come up with anyone like you. I knew Wade. He was okay but he wasn’t in the same league as you. No one is. Especially not that dame in Bulganingrad.”

  “It’s nice of you,” Lars began, but Pete cut him savagely off.

  “Nice—schnut! Anyhow, that’s not it.”

  “No,” Lars agreed. “That’s not it and don’t insult Lilo Topchev.”

  Fumbling in his shirt pocket Pete brought out a cheap, drugstore-style cigar. He lit up, puffed its noxious fumes until the office dissolved and reeked. Oblivious, without giving a damn, Pete wheezed the smoke in and out, silent as he pondered.

  He had this virtue/defect: anything puzzling, he believed, if worried at long enough, could be elucidated. In any area. Even that of the human psyche. The machine was no more and no less complicated, according to him, than biological organs created by two billion years of evolution.

  It was, Lars thought, an almost childishly optimistic view; it dated from the eighteenth century. Pete Freid, for all his manual skills, his engineering genius, was an anachronism. He had the outlook of a bright seventh-grader.

  “I’ve got kids,” Pete said, chewing on his cigar, making a bad thing worse. “You need a family.”

  “Sure,” Lars said.

  “No, I’m not serious.”

  “Of course you are. But that doesn’t make you right. I know what’s bothering me. Look.”

  Lars touched the code-trips of his locked desk drawer. Responding to his fingertips the drawer at once, cash-register-like, shot open. From it he brought forth his own new sketches, the items which Pete had traveled three thousand miles to see. He passed them over, and felt the pervasive guilt which always accompanied this moment. His ears burned. He could not look directly at Pete. Instead he busied himself with his appointment gimmicks, anything to keep himself from thinking during this moment.

  Pete said presently, “These are swell.” He carefully initialed each sketch, beneath the official number which the UN-W Natsec bureaucrat had stamped, sealed and signed.

  “You’re going back to San Francisco,” Lars said, “and you’re going to whip up a poly-something model, then begin on a working prototype—”

  “My boys are,” Pete corrected. “I just tell them what to do. You think I get my hands dirty? With poly-something?”

  Lars said, “Pete, how the hell long can it go on?”

  “Forever,” Pete said, promptly. The seventh-grader’s combination of naïve optimism and an almost ferociously embittered resignation.

  Lars said, “This morning, before I could get inside the building, here, one of those autonomic TV interviewers from Lucky Bagman’s show cornered me. They believe. They actually believe.”

  “So they believe. That’s what I mean.” Pete gestured agitatedly with his cheap cigar. “Don’t you get it? Even if you had looked that TV lens right in the eye, so to speak, and you had said calmly and clearly, maybe something like this: ‘You think I’m making weapons? You think, that’s what I’m bringing back from hyper-space, from that niddy-noddy realm of the supernatural?’”

  “But they need to be protected,” Lars said.

  “Against what?”

  “Against anything. Everything. They deserve protection; they think we’re doing our job.”

  After a pause Pete said, “There’s no protection in weapons. Not any more. Not since—you know. 1945. When they wiped out that Jap city.”

  “But,” Lars said, “the pursaps think there is. There seems to be.”

  “And that seems to be what they’re getting.”

  Lars said, “I think I’m sick. I’m involved in a delusional world. I ought to have been a pursap—without my talent as a medium I would be, I wouldn’t know what I know; I wouldn’t be on the inside looking out. I’d be one of those fans of Lucky Bagman and his morning TV interview show that accepts what he’s told, knows it’s true because he saw it on that big screen with all those stereo colors, richer than life. It’s fine while I’m actually in the comatose state, in the damn trance; there I’m fully involved. Nothing off in a corner of my mind jeers.”

  “‘Jeers.’ What do you mean?” Pete eyed him anxiously.

  “Doesn’t something inside you jeer?” He was amazed.

  “Hell no! Something inside me says, You’re worth twice the poscreds they’re paying you; that’s what something inside me says, and it’s right. I mean to take that up with Jack Lanferman one of these days.” Pete glared in self-righteous anger.

  “I thought you felt the same way,” Lars said. And come to think of it, he had assumed that all of them, even General George McFarlane Nitz, stood in relationship to what they were doing as he stood: corrupted by shame, afflicted with the sense of guilt that made it impossible for him to meet anyone eye-to-eye.

  “Let’s go down to the corner and have a cup of coffee,” Pete said.

  “It’s time for a break.”

  FIVE

  The coffee house as an institution, Lars knew, had great historicity behind it. This one invention had cleared the cobwebs from the minds of the English intellectuals at the period of Samuel Johnson, had eradicated the fog inherited from the seventeenth century’s pubs. The insidious stout, sack and ale had generated—not wisdom, sparkling wit, poetry or even political clarity—but muddied resentment, mutual and pervasive, that had degenerated into religious bigotry. That, and the pox, had decimated a great nation.

  Coffee had reversed the trend. History had taken a decisive new turn … and all because of a few beans frozen in the snow which the defenders of Vienna had discovered after the Turks had withdrawn.

  And here, already in a booth, cup in hand, sat small, pretty Miss Bedouin, with her pointed silver-tipped breasts fashionably in sight. She greeted him as he entered. “Mr. Lars! Sit with me, okay?”

  “Okay,” he said, and he and Pete shuffled and squeezed in on both sides of her.

  Surveying Miss Bedouin, Pete interlaced his fingers and rested his hairy arms on the table of the booth. He said to her, “Hey, how come you can’t beat out that girl he keeps to run his Paris office, that Maren something?”

  “Mr. Freid,” Miss Bedouin said, “I’m not sexually interested in anyone.”

  Grinning, Pete glanced at Lars. “She’s candid.”

  Candor, Lars thought, at Mr. Lars, Incorporated. Ironic!
A waste. But then Miss Bedouin didn’t know what went on. She was sublimely pursap. As if the era before the Fall had been re-established for roughly four billion citizens of Wes-bloc and Peep-East. The burden, which had once been everyone’s, rested now on the cogs alone. The cognoscenti had relieved their race of a curse … if “cog” really derived from that and not, as he suspected, from an English rather than Italian word.

  The English archaic definition had always seemed almost supernaturally apt to him. Cog. Using one’s finger as a sort of cog to guide or hold the dice; i.e. to cozen, wheedle; to cheat.

  But I could be candid, too, he thought, if I didn’t know anything: I see no particular merit in that. Since Medieval times a fool—no offense to you, Miss Bedouin—has been permitted the liberty of wagging his tongue. But suppose, just for this one moment, as we sit pressed together in this booth, the three of us, two cog males and one dainty silver-tipped pursap girl whose cardinal preoccupation resides in a perpetual concern that her admittedly lovely little pointed breasts be as conspicuous as possible … suppose I could cheerfully pass back and forth as you do, without the need to sharply split what I know from what I say.

  The wound would be healed, he decided. No more pills. No more nights of being unable—or unwilling—to sleep.

  “Miss Bedouin,” he said. “I actually am in love with you. But don’t misunderstand. I’m talking about a spiritual love. Not carnal.”

  “Okay,” Miss Bedouin said.

  “Because,” Lars said, “I admire you.”

  “You admire her so much,” Pete said grumblingly, “that you can’t go to bed with her? Kid stuff! How old are you, Lars? Real love means going to bed, like in marriage. Aren’t I right, Miss whatever-your-name-is? If Lars really loved you—”

  “Let me explain,” Lars said.

  “Nobody wants to hear your explanation,” Pete said.

  “Give me a chance,” Lars said. “I admire her position.”